Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit.Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit.Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit.
Makes a Blueray sad...
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Secret romantic/Dashed hopes
So I say that the single life is fine because I got my Picket who is my onlinesister and my wife online in Secondlife, but in reality I am in fact alone and I feel rather lonely but I'm used to it. And I am used to the fact that it will never change, even if I tried to change something will always go wrong usually on the their side. At the end of the day men are fucking pricks, jerks, arseholes or any other degradorty term you can think of. I think I just mis-spelled but I don't care.
Truth is...
I'm rather sappy and secretly I want someone to love me just as much as I love them, to be snuggled up together on a sofa watching anime or reading books. In the winter months be curled up by an open fire, tangled with one another on a warm rug drinking hot chocolate with marshmellows in it. And I'm tired of being alone but I gave up my heart and had it smashed, so as some people know I'm fixing what got broken but gods he aint making it easy.
Happiness is a floundering thing that I often or not find is hard to keep a grasp on, it slips through my fingers quicker than sand and is gone in an instant. One reason why I love to try and help fix other people, I can't fix myself so I help others and when they no longer need me they move on and I find others to fix. I live for other people, not for myself.
Excerpt of recent conversation:
Blueray says:
*Well its obvious the way things keep going keep messing up, I should stay single have been for years. Its not going to change, its not meant to change and I'm used to it. I only suffered a broken heart once, this is the second time. I'll live and survive and shut up again, because that how I am. I will be Happy being alone, its less hassle and less heartache. You sis you deserve someone to make you feel good, to make you smile every day of the year. If ya get hurt I'm here for you like always
xxxx says:
*I think you're wrong.
*not wrong that you're always here for me but wrong that you think you dont deserve to be happy too. You put yourself down so much and it makes me sad. But really you're wonderful and thats NOT just me being partial. You really are. You're completely selfless you know? You're only happy alone in your mind. It's because you cant get hurt but thats not happy that's playing safe and it's just lonely.
*There are five people out there for everyone. One perfect soul mate and 4 others who are great. You have yet to find any of them. I believe that in my heart.
Blueray says:
*Nicky was great for a while :/ I don't know xxxx I don't like getting carried away, I don't want to keep opening up to get hurt. I'm alone and I'm scared, I just live for everyone else
xxxx says:
*I just want you to be happy and real happy not this charade you put on.
*You need to live for yourself.
Blueray says:
*If I was a little more selfish perhaps
Is it possible one day to have all the little romantic gestures I crave, alone with the absolute happiness that comes with a healthy, loving relationship?
I get too involved with people too fast and actually set myself up for serious falls, I will set my sights on someone and see them run off with someone else. That's life that's how things go, and at the end of things.... Men are shallow. If you don't have the right weight, height, or even facial structure, you don't get a look in and are passed over for that pretty little blonde bimbo with the giant boobs.
You could have the best personality in the world, til men can see what is on the inside as well the outside. People like me are destined to be alone. Born alone, live alone, die alone. Its a lonely fate and I accepted it, til it changes at any point so be it.
Truth is...
I'm rather sappy and secretly I want someone to love me just as much as I love them, to be snuggled up together on a sofa watching anime or reading books. In the winter months be curled up by an open fire, tangled with one another on a warm rug drinking hot chocolate with marshmellows in it. And I'm tired of being alone but I gave up my heart and had it smashed, so as some people know I'm fixing what got broken but gods he aint making it easy.
Happiness is a floundering thing that I often or not find is hard to keep a grasp on, it slips through my fingers quicker than sand and is gone in an instant. One reason why I love to try and help fix other people, I can't fix myself so I help others and when they no longer need me they move on and I find others to fix. I live for other people, not for myself.
Excerpt of recent conversation:
Blueray says:
*Well its obvious the way things keep going keep messing up, I should stay single have been for years. Its not going to change, its not meant to change and I'm used to it. I only suffered a broken heart once, this is the second time. I'll live and survive and shut up again, because that how I am. I will be Happy being alone, its less hassle and less heartache. You sis you deserve someone to make you feel good, to make you smile every day of the year. If ya get hurt I'm here for you like always
xxxx says:
*I think you're wrong.
*not wrong that you're always here for me but wrong that you think you dont deserve to be happy too. You put yourself down so much and it makes me sad. But really you're wonderful and thats NOT just me being partial. You really are. You're completely selfless you know? You're only happy alone in your mind. It's because you cant get hurt but thats not happy that's playing safe and it's just lonely.
*There are five people out there for everyone. One perfect soul mate and 4 others who are great. You have yet to find any of them. I believe that in my heart.
Blueray says:
*Nicky was great for a while :/ I don't know xxxx I don't like getting carried away, I don't want to keep opening up to get hurt. I'm alone and I'm scared, I just live for everyone else
xxxx says:
*I just want you to be happy and real happy not this charade you put on.
*You need to live for yourself.
Blueray says:
*If I was a little more selfish perhaps
Is it possible one day to have all the little romantic gestures I crave, alone with the absolute happiness that comes with a healthy, loving relationship?
I get too involved with people too fast and actually set myself up for serious falls, I will set my sights on someone and see them run off with someone else. That's life that's how things go, and at the end of things.... Men are shallow. If you don't have the right weight, height, or even facial structure, you don't get a look in and are passed over for that pretty little blonde bimbo with the giant boobs.
You could have the best personality in the world, til men can see what is on the inside as well the outside. People like me are destined to be alone. Born alone, live alone, die alone. Its a lonely fate and I accepted it, til it changes at any point so be it.
Thursday, 19 November 2009
I'll be okay - Amanda Marshall
It's time to let you go; it's time to say Goodbye
No more excuses; no more tears to cry
There's been so many changes; I was so confused
All along you were the one; all the time I never knew.
I want you to be happy; you're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now; all that could have been
I'll always have the memories; she'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing; just when you don't want it to
Throw away the chains; Let love find a way
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
Life passes so quickly, you've got to take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters, you'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching, for what was always there,
Sometimes it will be too late, sometimes it won't be fair.
Throw away the chains, Let love fly away
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
I won't give up... I won't give in...
I can't re-create what just might have been,
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to return....
Throw away the chains, Let love find a way
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
Can't go on forever, baby; I can't go on forever, baby...
Can't go on forever, baby... yeah...; I'll be OK
No more excuses; no more tears to cry
There's been so many changes; I was so confused
All along you were the one; all the time I never knew.
I want you to be happy; you're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now; all that could have been
I'll always have the memories; she'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing; just when you don't want it to
Throw away the chains; Let love find a way
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
Life passes so quickly, you've got to take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters, you'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching, for what was always there,
Sometimes it will be too late, sometimes it won't be fair.
Throw away the chains, Let love fly away
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
I won't give up... I won't give in...
I can't re-create what just might have been,
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to return....
Throw away the chains, Let love find a way
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
Can't go on forever, baby; I can't go on forever, baby...
Can't go on forever, baby... yeah...; I'll be OK
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
The shallow, the judgemental, the broken
The world is full of all sorts of people that also cling to the internet, I mean all sorts of people. While we're online we forget that a lot of us proberly aint all that good looking, and a lot of us don't have the same IQ levels as say someone who is intellectual. People do a lot of things they all have different behaviours, but if you never scrape past the surface then you will never know what that person is really like. To judge someone by what they do instead of who they are, that is a crime in itself. Remember ye must not judge unless ye be judged. We're all the same underneath, I urge people to try and learn about one another before making stupid judegements and labeling someone. For all you know they could behave in that way due to some deep seated issue.
I find that out of all things in the human race, men are the most shallow but women can be just as bad. You can when online learn to enjoy someone by their personality alone, but once it comes to the face to face meet thing and they aint a blonde, blue eyed skinny wench they aint wanted anymore. Its a shameful fact of life that this has to happen, you two people can connect in a way without being physically together only for that to crush them. Women are just as bad when it comes to weight, features and cock size, I suppose we are all shallow creatures but hell personality is a must a good body is just a bonus.
~deleted~
You became my whole world, it shattered in front of me. I'm picking up the pieces and putting them back together, slowly but surely I will be alright again I'll be okay. I refuse to go down the same route.... Our paths are different now.
Be happy <3
I find that out of all things in the human race, men are the most shallow but women can be just as bad. You can when online learn to enjoy someone by their personality alone, but once it comes to the face to face meet thing and they aint a blonde, blue eyed skinny wench they aint wanted anymore. Its a shameful fact of life that this has to happen, you two people can connect in a way without being physically together only for that to crush them. Women are just as bad when it comes to weight, features and cock size, I suppose we are all shallow creatures but hell personality is a must a good body is just a bonus.
~deleted~
You became my whole world, it shattered in front of me. I'm picking up the pieces and putting them back together, slowly but surely I will be alright again I'll be okay. I refuse to go down the same route.... Our paths are different now.
Be happy <3
Monday, 14 September 2009
Songs as a reminder
I'm going to put two songs here, the first is "If you only knew" by Shinedown. A reminder to all those who loved, love still, lost love and let their love go for the better good.
If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned
~Chorus~
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent
~Chorus~
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
I still on to the letters
You help live and learn
~Chorus~
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew
The second song is just one I like to listen when the world seems to crack, a reminder that I am my own person and no one elses. Fallin' apart by All American Rejects
Can somebody save me?
Cus I'm thinking maybe
That yoou can take me piece by piece
Then you got your reasons
But I didn't need them
And either way I'm on my knees yeah
~Chorus~
You knew when I was wrong
You say that I'm deranged
I can see that you're uneasy and it's not gonna change
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Either way you're breaking my heart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
You say that you're leavin
Say that you don't need him
And all I do is give and you just take
I guess that I knew it
I can't make it through it
But I'm gonna try this anyway
~Chorus~
You knew when I was wrong
You say that I'm deranged
I can see that you're uneasy and it's not gonna change
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Either way you're breaking my heart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
Anyone got it where the roses sleep
I can make you anything you wanna be
When my bodies close to me
I can give you anything you'd ever need
When I fall to the floor
Cus I can't feel anymore
You can have my heart girl
You don't need to steal anymore
When I look to the stars
Where ever you are
~Chorus~
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Either way you're breaking my heart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
Yeah I guess we're falling apart
Yeah it looks like we're falling apart
Yeah I guess I'm falling apart
If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned
~Chorus~
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent
~Chorus~
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
I still on to the letters
You help live and learn
~Chorus~
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew
The second song is just one I like to listen when the world seems to crack, a reminder that I am my own person and no one elses. Fallin' apart by All American Rejects
Can somebody save me?
Cus I'm thinking maybe
That yoou can take me piece by piece
Then you got your reasons
But I didn't need them
And either way I'm on my knees yeah
~Chorus~
You knew when I was wrong
You say that I'm deranged
I can see that you're uneasy and it's not gonna change
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Either way you're breaking my heart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
You say that you're leavin
Say that you don't need him
And all I do is give and you just take
I guess that I knew it
I can't make it through it
But I'm gonna try this anyway
~Chorus~
You knew when I was wrong
You say that I'm deranged
I can see that you're uneasy and it's not gonna change
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Either way you're breaking my heart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
Anyone got it where the roses sleep
I can make you anything you wanna be
When my bodies close to me
I can give you anything you'd ever need
When I fall to the floor
Cus I can't feel anymore
You can have my heart girl
You don't need to steal anymore
When I look to the stars
Where ever you are
~Chorus~
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Either way you're breaking my heart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Where ever you go I'm crawlin
Even when we're falling
Even when we're falling apart
Yeah I guess we're falling apart
Yeah it looks like we're falling apart
Yeah I guess I'm falling apart
Saturday, 12 September 2009
All the same - Sick Puppies
I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly
I don't care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I don't mind
I don't care
As long as you're here
Chorus
Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same
Hours slide and days go by
Til you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
For certain
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breathe you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am
Chorus
Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same
Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same
In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
It's all the same
Chorus
Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same
As long as you come to me
But I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly
I don't care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I don't mind
I don't care
As long as you're here
Chorus
Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same
Hours slide and days go by
Til you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
For certain
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breathe you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am
Chorus
Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same
Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same
In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
It's all the same
Chorus
Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Messages Five
~Message deleted~
You are stuck somewhere I don't know where, but its hurting all of us especially me and her. Yes life is hard and your plate is full, what was done by her was for the best and you know it. For gods sake stop giving us a hard time, and let us be the friends we are intended to be. Kthnx <3
From what I can tell your life is in some flux of change, you started doing what you stopped doing years ago. Its really satisfying to see you so happy making things, but I can't help feeling you are neglecting me. The same exact thing you wanted to rip him a new hole for, you are now doing yourself. However I will be supportive as a very dear friend, and be behind you all the way in whatever you achieve in life.
I hope you find the happiness you want and deserve, I hope she looks after you. I don't believe what people say, you aren't a psycho to me.
Long as you got people who care you will never walk alone.
I have a very set frame of mind of thinking, its been like it for years and trying to break it has been very difficult.
Quit disappearing. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it just makes it forget over time. I can not stay attached to someone who is not around, do as you promised to do and stick around for a bit. You are not being replaced, but our years and views on life are so different. You want kids and I don't, thats not gonna fuse nicely together at all.
In real life I'm alone........ Except on the interwebz
You are stuck somewhere I don't know where, but its hurting all of us especially me and her. Yes life is hard and your plate is full, what was done by her was for the best and you know it. For gods sake stop giving us a hard time, and let us be the friends we are intended to be. Kthnx <3
From what I can tell your life is in some flux of change, you started doing what you stopped doing years ago. Its really satisfying to see you so happy making things, but I can't help feeling you are neglecting me. The same exact thing you wanted to rip him a new hole for, you are now doing yourself. However I will be supportive as a very dear friend, and be behind you all the way in whatever you achieve in life.
I hope you find the happiness you want and deserve, I hope she looks after you. I don't believe what people say, you aren't a psycho to me.
Long as you got people who care you will never walk alone.
I have a very set frame of mind of thinking, its been like it for years and trying to break it has been very difficult.
Quit disappearing. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it just makes it forget over time. I can not stay attached to someone who is not around, do as you promised to do and stick around for a bit. You are not being replaced, but our years and views on life are so different. You want kids and I don't, thats not gonna fuse nicely together at all.
In real life I'm alone........ Except on the interwebz
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