Okay I get it some women love to be submissive, told what to do, bossed about, walked all over etc. There are others who just have no spine, allow themselves to be collared in SL cos they don't know how to stand up for themselves. Some the last few are just lazy they don't want to work at a relationship, they just want to be told what to do and that's final.
I don't mind slaves after being around Nalen and learning about Gor (Good and bad mind you), I found that a lot of slaves are really nice, fun even witty and intelligent. They just love that sort of lifestyle. Myself I will never get in to it, I refuse to be ordered around by men.
Men don't own women they aren't even better than us, because most of them are some sort of shithead. Quit trying to go around collecting a harem of pets, any of you you're all starting to piss me the fuck off.
So to all you women out there... If you love it great quit shoving it in my face though, I'm open minded but it doesn't mean I gotta like it. If you are spineless get a fucking spine, quit being so submissive and tell the guy where to fuck off to. Hopefully off a damn cliff! If you're lazy good for you but relationships take two, and they are best when everything is equal. Take some responsibility for yourself for once, and WORK at it or its really just not worth it at all.
To all the Gorean men who think every woman be they Gorean or not is beneath them and inferior - If you are not on a Gor sim the women are not collarable in any fashion or any way, they are free to make the decision for themselves if your worthless hide is worthy of such a privilage. If you are on an RP sim that is not Gorean then do not continously dodge the attacks of women, or even belittle them and declare them useless because they are female. You are breaking RP equitete and you are being a fucking dumbshit asshole, it really pisses me off when some shithead man thinks he's so awesome cos he's a so called fucking Master. If your character is human going against a female demon, the female demon will get attacks that HIT and she will WIN. Demons are superior to humans regardless of gender, you're an arrogant sexist pig go the fuck back to your stupid Gorean fucking sim. FUCKER!
I'm done ranting now ^^
Thursday, 23 September 2010
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Blueray drama and her drama llhama
I've been told before that if you got a lot of deaths all in one go, it is easier to get over them and recover over time. Rather than have one to begin recovery, to have another and start the process again to be smacked by a third. Now I never went to the funerals of my grandparents on my dad's side, because at the time I knew I wouldn't be able to cope at all.
However I went to the three funerals that happened on my mum's side, though I never really show how deep my unstability is; it is there all the same. Ah the joys of being emotionally detached are no longer mine, and gods I do wish I could return to such a state.
Oct 21st 2006 - Mum passed away from Cancer. Dec 23rd 2008 - Grampy passed away from Caner. Feb 9th 2010 - Nana passed away from a heart attack.
Feb 2009 - Blueray has an emotional breakdown, mostly due to stress of being over-worked and undermined.
Oh look its March now and I have another one, so yay go me and I break down completely. I've sort of been ex-communicated for now from people in order to "get better", or in my opinion its to "shove my depression" back in to its usual confines and carry on. On the upside its easier to hide depression when the bottle is a bigger and can hold more, I have been told that time will make it smaller and less able to hold things in.
Does this mean then that once a year I am gonna go BOOM, cos I over-filled my bottle and it couldn't cope anymore?
I feel rather lame and disgusted at myself for even getting to this point, there has been a lot going on. I don't tend to talk about it even when prodded I just shut off, and I never speak what I feel because its easier than being hurt even though its obvious I'm going nuts with it. For instance a whole storm went down at a sim, lots of angry voices and drama and stress, we all talked about that because it was a common thing for us to share. On the other hand I had some stuff going on mostly on the emotional side and connected to the foul thing called a heart which, did not help at all with all the other things that had been going on. Hence boom.
I prefer to bottle up rather than talk or let out, or do what I normally do when things are too much. My closest friends have enough trouble getting anything out of me when I'm in the dumps, seriously just ask them they have to poke and prod til I give and just spill the beans. I suppose that's why I can write things in a journal, because its never to their face or erm IM box nor does it mention any names. No sources for love, hurt, drama, pain, jealousy and other various nounces that make up my pitiful human psyché.
Messages:
Yes I'm a bitter person...
Yes I don't like many people, yet can be the cyber social butterfly.
I will continue to live for friends, no matter how hard I try I can not find a reason to live for myself.
I can't fix myself.
I can fix everyone else.
I don't think anyone in my entire life can hurt me so much without meaning to, and still manage to be kept around simply because I can not do without you. (I've now deleted this twice and re-wrote it)
Keeping silence is the best thing to do, no matter how I feel about people telling them would make them run. I would rather keep them as friends and close to me, rather than have them walk out completely because I revealed my heart.
Pain hurts I deal with it.
Never let him go, once you do you lost him.
End venting/rant.
However I went to the three funerals that happened on my mum's side, though I never really show how deep my unstability is; it is there all the same. Ah the joys of being emotionally detached are no longer mine, and gods I do wish I could return to such a state.
Oct 21st 2006 - Mum passed away from Cancer. Dec 23rd 2008 - Grampy passed away from Caner. Feb 9th 2010 - Nana passed away from a heart attack.
Feb 2009 - Blueray has an emotional breakdown, mostly due to stress of being over-worked and undermined.
Oh look its March now and I have another one, so yay go me and I break down completely. I've sort of been ex-communicated for now from people in order to "get better", or in my opinion its to "shove my depression" back in to its usual confines and carry on. On the upside its easier to hide depression when the bottle is a bigger and can hold more, I have been told that time will make it smaller and less able to hold things in.
Does this mean then that once a year I am gonna go BOOM, cos I over-filled my bottle and it couldn't cope anymore?
I feel rather lame and disgusted at myself for even getting to this point, there has been a lot going on. I don't tend to talk about it even when prodded I just shut off, and I never speak what I feel because its easier than being hurt even though its obvious I'm going nuts with it. For instance a whole storm went down at a sim, lots of angry voices and drama and stress, we all talked about that because it was a common thing for us to share. On the other hand I had some stuff going on mostly on the emotional side and connected to the foul thing called a heart which, did not help at all with all the other things that had been going on. Hence boom.
I prefer to bottle up rather than talk or let out, or do what I normally do when things are too much. My closest friends have enough trouble getting anything out of me when I'm in the dumps, seriously just ask them they have to poke and prod til I give and just spill the beans. I suppose that's why I can write things in a journal, because its never to their face or erm IM box nor does it mention any names. No sources for love, hurt, drama, pain, jealousy and other various nounces that make up my pitiful human psyché.
Messages:
Yes I'm a bitter person...
Yes I don't like many people, yet can be the cyber social butterfly.
I will continue to live for friends, no matter how hard I try I can not find a reason to live for myself.
I can't fix myself.
I can fix everyone else.
I don't think anyone in my entire life can hurt me so much without meaning to, and still manage to be kept around simply because I can not do without you. (I've now deleted this twice and re-wrote it)
Keeping silence is the best thing to do, no matter how I feel about people telling them would make them run. I would rather keep them as friends and close to me, rather than have them walk out completely because I revealed my heart.
Pain hurts I deal with it.
Never let him go, once you do you lost him.
End venting/rant.
Monday, 11 January 2010
Birthday hehehe
Oh my god thank you so much to everyone who wished me Happy Birthday yesterday, you all know who you are and I love you all. Also thank you to my Picket for arranging a party in Secondlife, we even had a dj so dancing and music.
I also got on Secondlife a bunch of stuff and monies to spend to get more stuff, I couldn't have asked for a better birthday
❤
I also got on Secondlife a bunch of stuff and monies to spend to get more stuff, I couldn't have asked for a better birthday
❤
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
I don't care - Apocalyptica/Just friends - Frickin' A
I try to make it through my life
In my way
There's you
I try to make it through these lies
That's all I do
Just don't deny it
Just don't deny it
And deal with it
Yeah, Deal with it
You try to break me
You wanna break me
Bit by bit
That's just part of it
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
I try to make you see my side
I Always try to stay in line
But your eyes see right through
That's all they do
I'm getting tired of this shit
I got no room when it's like this
But you order me
just deal with it!
So
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
[Cello Solo]
(If you won't be there for me, You won't be there for me)
(If you won't be there for me, You won't be there for me)
[Piano Solo]
If you were or dead or still alive
I don't care
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care
(If you won't be there for me, You won't be there for me)
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
(You won't be there for me)
I don't care
At all
~~~~~~
Here I go, Driving by your house
Might as well throw some rocks at your window
Yeah But you don't seem to care, or maybe your not there
Probably out with someone else tryin' to keep in on the down low
Just so you know
I'm not taking this so well
Since I've been alone
I've learned how to...
Cuss you out in Japanese
Organize my dvd's
Play solitaire again...and I
Hear that your doing fine
Smiling all the time
But you really rub it in...when you say you're over me
And you wanna be...just friends
Hey what about the promise that you made to me
That we'd always be together and you'd be there
Everyday I wake up
I found a box of notes you wrote
each one signed with x and o's
And b.s. - like I love you we're never gonna brake up
Just so you know
I'm not taking this so well
Now that I'm alone
I've had time to...
Cuss you out in Japanese
Organize my dvd's
Smash my sister's violin...and I
Hear that your doing fine
Smiling all the time
But you really rub it in...when you say you're over me
And you wanna be...just friends
Here I go again...
I really miss you now it's time to
Beg pretty please I'm
Pouring on the cheese
My heart may never mend
And I've punched holes in all my walls
Closed down all the malls
Smashed my sisters violin...and I
Hung our picture by the bed
You're still living in my head
At least I can pretend...that you're not over me
Cause I can't be...Just Friends
In my way
There's you
I try to make it through these lies
That's all I do
Just don't deny it
Just don't deny it
And deal with it
Yeah, Deal with it
You try to break me
You wanna break me
Bit by bit
That's just part of it
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
I try to make you see my side
I Always try to stay in line
But your eyes see right through
That's all they do
I'm getting tired of this shit
I got no room when it's like this
But you order me
just deal with it!
So
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
[Cello Solo]
(If you won't be there for me, You won't be there for me)
(If you won't be there for me, You won't be there for me)
[Piano Solo]
If you were or dead or still alive
I don't care
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
I don't care
If you were dead or still alive
I don't care
(If you won't be there for me, You won't be there for me)
I don't care
And all the things you left behind
I don't care
(You won't be there for me)
I don't care
At all
~~~~~~
Here I go, Driving by your house
Might as well throw some rocks at your window
Yeah But you don't seem to care, or maybe your not there
Probably out with someone else tryin' to keep in on the down low
Just so you know
I'm not taking this so well
Since I've been alone
I've learned how to...
Cuss you out in Japanese
Organize my dvd's
Play solitaire again...and I
Hear that your doing fine
Smiling all the time
But you really rub it in...when you say you're over me
And you wanna be...just friends
Hey what about the promise that you made to me
That we'd always be together and you'd be there
Everyday I wake up
I found a box of notes you wrote
each one signed with x and o's
And b.s. - like I love you we're never gonna brake up
Just so you know
I'm not taking this so well
Now that I'm alone
I've had time to...
Cuss you out in Japanese
Organize my dvd's
Smash my sister's violin...and I
Hear that your doing fine
Smiling all the time
But you really rub it in...when you say you're over me
And you wanna be...just friends
Here I go again...
I really miss you now it's time to
Beg pretty please I'm
Pouring on the cheese
My heart may never mend
And I've punched holes in all my walls
Closed down all the malls
Smashed my sisters violin...and I
Hung our picture by the bed
You're still living in my head
At least I can pretend...that you're not over me
Cause I can't be...Just Friends
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Humbug
Its another year and another Christmas, third one without having Mum around. Over the years my parents have always argued, even on Christmas day they argued and never stopped arguing. When the turkey was cooked and all the food out on the table, we sat down to eat as a family along with our grandparents and pleasent conversation.
Even since Mum was taken away from us due to cancer, we no longer decorate or sit down to pretend to be a family for Christmas dinner. There is no longer a sense of togetherness that used to be there, we simply continue to tolerate one anothers presence while getting our stuff and scooting back off. Over the days and months the pain has lessened to a dull ache, there are times when I find myself still able to cry in large amounts over the loss. At such times I will always ask why was a good woman taken, and I was allowed to carry on living to make the others suffer? Is true that good people die before their time, no amount of anyone telling me otherwise I am not good or I would have died and not her.
The void she left is never filled and no matter what is done to fill it; it never lasts, around about December time I fall deeply in to my depression and seek distraction. Its rather pathetic that I still cry and cry over other things, life was so much easier for me when I was emotionally detached from stuff. A year that begins with a funeral I have discovered never tends to be a good year, hence on the 5th January 2009 we cremated my Grampy who died from cancer on the 23rd December 2008...
I would make a New Year's resolution to empower myself more to be myself to be free, to never love again nor allow myself to love and to finish off with telling people what I really want to say. Problem here is that I would break a lot of them as I'm rather scared to tell people what is truely on my mind, especially when it comes to speaking to the person about the matters of the heart and they are the cause.
For instance...
Thank you for always being there, being supportive, for the comfort and for your time. I know you better than most and less than others, but you are an awesome friend that is all you will be no matter my feelings on the subject. As a friend you can only be the best plus benefits (Though not currently due to circumstance), as a lover you are certainly no good for me and will forever cause me pain. However even though you broke my heart and I have repaired the damage to an extent, this has left some aspects of our friendship to be rather difficult for me. You have noticed it but refrain from asking, and I refuse to answer anyway. I grow confused over your actions that when I think I'm over you, I'm thrown for a loop and fall right back down to cry for hours on end as the agony re-asserts itself.
I occasionally grow weary of this power over me, and thus I rebel or do something that is very much like something I would do in order to push you away or exert my freedom. I would like to say this through no fault of your own, I simply should be more careful and go back to being a stone hearted bitch. I should have never broke my own vow in the first place, but a thawed out heart has no control. Alas...
So anyway
Screw fucking Christmas up the arse, roll on the New Year and then Easter. Yes that's right I fucking well hate Valentine's Day too!
Even since Mum was taken away from us due to cancer, we no longer decorate or sit down to pretend to be a family for Christmas dinner. There is no longer a sense of togetherness that used to be there, we simply continue to tolerate one anothers presence while getting our stuff and scooting back off. Over the days and months the pain has lessened to a dull ache, there are times when I find myself still able to cry in large amounts over the loss. At such times I will always ask why was a good woman taken, and I was allowed to carry on living to make the others suffer? Is true that good people die before their time, no amount of anyone telling me otherwise I am not good or I would have died and not her.
The void she left is never filled and no matter what is done to fill it; it never lasts, around about December time I fall deeply in to my depression and seek distraction. Its rather pathetic that I still cry and cry over other things, life was so much easier for me when I was emotionally detached from stuff. A year that begins with a funeral I have discovered never tends to be a good year, hence on the 5th January 2009 we cremated my Grampy who died from cancer on the 23rd December 2008...
I would make a New Year's resolution to empower myself more to be myself to be free, to never love again nor allow myself to love and to finish off with telling people what I really want to say. Problem here is that I would break a lot of them as I'm rather scared to tell people what is truely on my mind, especially when it comes to speaking to the person about the matters of the heart and they are the cause.
For instance...
Thank you for always being there, being supportive, for the comfort and for your time. I know you better than most and less than others, but you are an awesome friend that is all you will be no matter my feelings on the subject. As a friend you can only be the best plus benefits (Though not currently due to circumstance), as a lover you are certainly no good for me and will forever cause me pain. However even though you broke my heart and I have repaired the damage to an extent, this has left some aspects of our friendship to be rather difficult for me. You have noticed it but refrain from asking, and I refuse to answer anyway. I grow confused over your actions that when I think I'm over you, I'm thrown for a loop and fall right back down to cry for hours on end as the agony re-asserts itself.
I occasionally grow weary of this power over me, and thus I rebel or do something that is very much like something I would do in order to push you away or exert my freedom. I would like to say this through no fault of your own, I simply should be more careful and go back to being a stone hearted bitch. I should have never broke my own vow in the first place, but a thawed out heart has no control. Alas...
So anyway
Screw fucking Christmas up the arse, roll on the New Year and then Easter. Yes that's right I fucking well hate Valentine's Day too!
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Offline
Its a standard thing for me now to be offline and not bothered to come online, when I'm feeling so down in the dumps that to be around people will make me bring them down with me. In such events I will just refuse to be around and go to sleep, yesterdays one was no exception I went to sleep. I was so uptight about open chat that certain things just urked me, in furthering my mood I allowed myself to just slip.
Okay we're all familar with the fact I'm in love, broken hearted etc etc. Only problem is everytime I think I'm on the mend, he does something that makes me melt right back to him. Ah the power of a male who knows just what to say and do... I logged on this morning after sleeping the night away, he logs on and messages me about how he missed me. I told him he worries too much he says he always worries, especially where I am concerned. Gone... Just like that I'm wanting to cry, mostly at the unfairness of it all.
Maybe I should leave the Shadows and cut off communication, as people have told me before I am only hurting myself by continuing being around him. He is a friend after all right? And I love that group with everything I have, but is it really advisiable to be in it considering my own personal hurt?
Maybe I like to remind myself he's not mine never will be, and each time I break down I should just get up again. I will carry on regardless, I am free and most importantly of all.
I
am
me
Okay we're all familar with the fact I'm in love, broken hearted etc etc. Only problem is everytime I think I'm on the mend, he does something that makes me melt right back to him. Ah the power of a male who knows just what to say and do... I logged on this morning after sleeping the night away, he logs on and messages me about how he missed me. I told him he worries too much he says he always worries, especially where I am concerned. Gone... Just like that I'm wanting to cry, mostly at the unfairness of it all.
Maybe I should leave the Shadows and cut off communication, as people have told me before I am only hurting myself by continuing being around him. He is a friend after all right? And I love that group with everything I have, but is it really advisiable to be in it considering my own personal hurt?
Maybe I like to remind myself he's not mine never will be, and each time I break down I should just get up again. I will carry on regardless, I am free and most importantly of all.
I
am
me
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Same shit different day
Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit.Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit.Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit. Day in, day out. Same shit.
Makes a Blueray sad...
Makes a Blueray sad...
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