And I´d give up forever to touch you
´Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You´re the closest to heaven that I´ll ever be
And I don´t wanna go home right now
And all I can taste in this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it´s over
I just don´t wanna miss you tonight
CHORUS:
And I don´t want the world to see me
´Cause I don´t think that they´d understand
When everything´s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can´t fight the tears that ain´t coming
Or the moments of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you´re alive.
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Sorry
I made a mistake and now you're mad.
Sitting here I'm feeling pretty bad.
The choice was there I made it wrong.
You were the place I should belong.
I got no idea what I'm meant to do.
When people keep tearing me in two.
Tugged and twisted I made the leap.
Now you're mad and I'm losing sleep.
I'm not the type to up and bail.
I don't want to be a helpless fail.
I never meant to make you cry.
Please I'm sorry, I didn't try.
Now you're hurt I made you sad.
Kicking myself hope you don't stay mad.
My words are nothing what can I say?
I'll do what it takes no matter the pay.
Know that I love you
I stand by you
I should remember you come first...
Sitting here I'm feeling pretty bad.
The choice was there I made it wrong.
You were the place I should belong.
I got no idea what I'm meant to do.
When people keep tearing me in two.
Tugged and twisted I made the leap.
Now you're mad and I'm losing sleep.
I'm not the type to up and bail.
I don't want to be a helpless fail.
I never meant to make you cry.
Please I'm sorry, I didn't try.
Now you're hurt I made you sad.
Kicking myself hope you don't stay mad.
My words are nothing what can I say?
I'll do what it takes no matter the pay.
Know that I love you
I stand by you
I should remember you come first...
Saturday, 19 July 2008
I needed to rant
Get a job.
Get a factory job.
Sorry to say it but my asshole of a family doesn't give two shits if I happen to be medically depressed, they don't care if going in to a warehouse or a factory will send me over the edge. According to my oh so "wise" sister who gets all her money off Dad, I should stop being an attenion whore and get over myself. Or I should stop mentioning things about food and this that or the other, cos if I die no one will feel sorry for me. I don't care and they don't care, so she says stop talking then just get over yourself its your own fault if you die. The whole thing started because I don't cook and make sandwiches, so according to her I'm going to die. Yeah right I eat not that any of them give a flying fuck.
Lets see I might not have a job but according to them I'm still a lazy shit, they forget that I do the housework. Wash up the dishes, empty the bins because no one has enough brian cells to think of doing it, clean the house every friday, and I'm not the one who is too lazy to flush the damn loo.
They forget I never been unemployed as long as I have recently, six months maxium it used to be. According to them I haven't worked a day in my life and I am just a fucking bum, technically I'm not out of work completely because I still do the council work/politics. So Dad is subsiding two familes and claimed he was subsiding three people in our family, three yeah right Dad sure you are. My youngest brother and my sister are the only two who get money off you, you don't subsidide me at all you barely buy me anything cos anything I do want I get myself. About the only thing I'm taking off you is water, and electricity oh and the internet. Where is the subsiding HUH HUH?
Keep whispering about me behind my back, or insulting me to my face. Keep telling me I'm an attention whore when I ask for absolutly fucking nothing off you, keep telling me all the shit that you want me to hear. And I hate you, I hate you so fucking much. None of you know me you don't even understand me, I'm just there 99% as some non existant thing and that last 1% I'm just a shit a worthless shit.
I hate you!
Get a factory job.
Sorry to say it but my asshole of a family doesn't give two shits if I happen to be medically depressed, they don't care if going in to a warehouse or a factory will send me over the edge. According to my oh so "wise" sister who gets all her money off Dad, I should stop being an attenion whore and get over myself. Or I should stop mentioning things about food and this that or the other, cos if I die no one will feel sorry for me. I don't care and they don't care, so she says stop talking then just get over yourself its your own fault if you die. The whole thing started because I don't cook and make sandwiches, so according to her I'm going to die. Yeah right I eat not that any of them give a flying fuck.
Lets see I might not have a job but according to them I'm still a lazy shit, they forget that I do the housework. Wash up the dishes, empty the bins because no one has enough brian cells to think of doing it, clean the house every friday, and I'm not the one who is too lazy to flush the damn loo.
They forget I never been unemployed as long as I have recently, six months maxium it used to be. According to them I haven't worked a day in my life and I am just a fucking bum, technically I'm not out of work completely because I still do the council work/politics. So Dad is subsiding two familes and claimed he was subsiding three people in our family, three yeah right Dad sure you are. My youngest brother and my sister are the only two who get money off you, you don't subsidide me at all you barely buy me anything cos anything I do want I get myself. About the only thing I'm taking off you is water, and electricity oh and the internet. Where is the subsiding HUH HUH?
Keep whispering about me behind my back, or insulting me to my face. Keep telling me I'm an attention whore when I ask for absolutly fucking nothing off you, keep telling me all the shit that you want me to hear. And I hate you, I hate you so fucking much. None of you know me you don't even understand me, I'm just there 99% as some non existant thing and that last 1% I'm just a shit a worthless shit.
I hate you!
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
Rain, rain go away, but make him stay another day
A short story that has nothing to do with Toxian City at all but I felt like writing it so nyah to you
They say the best lovers are those who you are not looking for, that they show up at the right time in the right place. In most cases they are right under your nose you fail to see them, passing them over to view someone else who stands further away. Always the wrong ones everytime, while the one you never thought about just waits patiently.
What if you saw them?
On a day when the rains fall heavy from the overcast sky, when the sky cries in its hapless waves of sorrow. A lone woman walks with drooping shoulders and lowered head, not just an attempt to keep from getting to wet but to hide from the world. She had forgotten her umbrellia and got caught out in the downpour, her clothes were soaked along with her brown curls getting plastered to her tender features. Wet and cold she hurried down the street sighing as water seeped in to her shoes, it seems that everything around gets her down yet she never shows it when in company. That smile she puts on to show she's perfectly fine is a lie, just a mask to cover the fact she doesn't want others to worry about her. Why bother with her problems with all that she is? Other people needed more help than she did, she always tried to reach them to help them.
Pausing by a battered front door with its peeling paint, she fumbled in a pocket for her keys drawing them out with a shakey hand. The key in the lock turned the door opened up to a dank and dark place, she shuffled inside closing and locking the door behind her while the water dripped off her. Taking off her jacket shrugging it off her shoulders she let it flop to the floor with a splat, running a hand through her damp, brown curls she moved deeper in to her abode. A small place with one room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and her bedroom, simple single person apartment sparsly decorated with only the needed furnitre. She didn't turn on a light she liked the dark, she could always watch the shadows in the corners swirl about imagine that they're people.
Only one of them moved in an unexpected way darting around moving closer to her, she gasped backing up trying to grope with her hands an object she could use as a weapon.
"Relax Cara, its only me", a man's voice a familar voice. She visibly relaxed letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding in, she loved his voice always sounding like a masculine melody.
Cara turned away from him putting more distance between as she snapped out, "Don't scare me like that"! On a second thought she asked, "How did you get in anyway"?
He chuckled, "You gave me a key remember Cara? I got here early I wanted to surprise you, typical you got caught in the storm.... I bet you need to get warm".
"Yes, I remember. Just because I gave you a key doesn't mean you can come here whenever you feel like it". She wasn't angry at him, in fact she was pleased he was here. She felt lonely and had been over the last few weeks, she would be glad of his company anything to just take this feeling away. "Make yourself at home Richard".
"Already have".
He was tall, handsome if you like the mixed meditarian look, tanned skin, blue eyes like pools of water you can drown in if you let yourself. His hair a dark brown that like her own hung in curls whilst hers was down to her waist, his was only shoulder length but enough to comb your fingers through on a whim. Richard was well built more on the average side than muscular, but his nature was never a violent one. A constant calm exhuded from him a simple order to her own chaos, never a harsh word or a bad thought about anyone unless they did something so terrible he would never forgive them. Through all that calm and his patience right at his core, lay a beast chained down. A beast that would rage at its constraints against every lover she had that treated her wrong, a beast that yearned for her, her body, her touch, her kiss if only she would look at him. He shook his head watching her from the other side of the room as she busied herself, he knew from watching her that she had no idea of the amount of sexual energy that sprang from her. Why men wanted her lusted for her, not just that energy for she was also a shining soul one who cared for others rather than herself.
Every part of her, he admired her for. Even the darkness that she claimed tainted her, he marvelled at how she would try to stop it taking over her. Richard loved her for it, if only she would see. ~For god's sake, look at me~ His thoughts shouted in his head, ~Just once Cara, please look at me~
~The writer has left this unfinished for now, as in the meantime she's chasing her brian as it decided to run away to find caffienated carbon drinks and Oreos~
They say the best lovers are those who you are not looking for, that they show up at the right time in the right place. In most cases they are right under your nose you fail to see them, passing them over to view someone else who stands further away. Always the wrong ones everytime, while the one you never thought about just waits patiently.
What if you saw them?
On a day when the rains fall heavy from the overcast sky, when the sky cries in its hapless waves of sorrow. A lone woman walks with drooping shoulders and lowered head, not just an attempt to keep from getting to wet but to hide from the world. She had forgotten her umbrellia and got caught out in the downpour, her clothes were soaked along with her brown curls getting plastered to her tender features. Wet and cold she hurried down the street sighing as water seeped in to her shoes, it seems that everything around gets her down yet she never shows it when in company. That smile she puts on to show she's perfectly fine is a lie, just a mask to cover the fact she doesn't want others to worry about her. Why bother with her problems with all that she is? Other people needed more help than she did, she always tried to reach them to help them.
Pausing by a battered front door with its peeling paint, she fumbled in a pocket for her keys drawing them out with a shakey hand. The key in the lock turned the door opened up to a dank and dark place, she shuffled inside closing and locking the door behind her while the water dripped off her. Taking off her jacket shrugging it off her shoulders she let it flop to the floor with a splat, running a hand through her damp, brown curls she moved deeper in to her abode. A small place with one room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and her bedroom, simple single person apartment sparsly decorated with only the needed furnitre. She didn't turn on a light she liked the dark, she could always watch the shadows in the corners swirl about imagine that they're people.
Only one of them moved in an unexpected way darting around moving closer to her, she gasped backing up trying to grope with her hands an object she could use as a weapon.
"Relax Cara, its only me", a man's voice a familar voice. She visibly relaxed letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding in, she loved his voice always sounding like a masculine melody.
Cara turned away from him putting more distance between as she snapped out, "Don't scare me like that"! On a second thought she asked, "How did you get in anyway"?
He chuckled, "You gave me a key remember Cara? I got here early I wanted to surprise you, typical you got caught in the storm.... I bet you need to get warm".
"Yes, I remember. Just because I gave you a key doesn't mean you can come here whenever you feel like it". She wasn't angry at him, in fact she was pleased he was here. She felt lonely and had been over the last few weeks, she would be glad of his company anything to just take this feeling away. "Make yourself at home Richard".
"Already have".
He was tall, handsome if you like the mixed meditarian look, tanned skin, blue eyes like pools of water you can drown in if you let yourself. His hair a dark brown that like her own hung in curls whilst hers was down to her waist, his was only shoulder length but enough to comb your fingers through on a whim. Richard was well built more on the average side than muscular, but his nature was never a violent one. A constant calm exhuded from him a simple order to her own chaos, never a harsh word or a bad thought about anyone unless they did something so terrible he would never forgive them. Through all that calm and his patience right at his core, lay a beast chained down. A beast that would rage at its constraints against every lover she had that treated her wrong, a beast that yearned for her, her body, her touch, her kiss if only she would look at him. He shook his head watching her from the other side of the room as she busied herself, he knew from watching her that she had no idea of the amount of sexual energy that sprang from her. Why men wanted her lusted for her, not just that energy for she was also a shining soul one who cared for others rather than herself.
Every part of her, he admired her for. Even the darkness that she claimed tainted her, he marvelled at how she would try to stop it taking over her. Richard loved her for it, if only she would see. ~For god's sake, look at me~ His thoughts shouted in his head, ~Just once Cara, please look at me~
~The writer has left this unfinished for now, as in the meantime she's chasing her brian as it decided to run away to find caffienated carbon drinks and Oreos~
Thursday, 12 June 2008
Dark Angel
Disclaimer - I don't own it. Dark Angel - VNV Nation
In your dream you see me clear
I have no restraint, no fear
Powerless I watched from faces I'd assumed.
My purpose set. My will defined.
Caress the air.
Embrace the skies.
Escape the sorrow and restraint of mortal cities.
Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
So many years I stood among the thoughts
and tears of those I served.
Among my own I was alone through my own doing.
All the years I walked unknown
behind the faces I assumed.
Powerless to clear your mind of what you'd suffered.
They fall again.
They fall again.
Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
There is no faith in which to hide.
Even truth is filled with lies.
Doubting angels fall to walk among the living.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
I'd only come here seeking peace.
I'd only come here seeking me.
It seems I came to leave.
In your dream you see me clear
I have no restraint, no fear
Powerless I watched from faces I'd assumed.
My purpose set. My will defined.
Caress the air.
Embrace the skies.
Escape the sorrow and restraint of mortal cities.
Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
So many years I stood among the thoughts
and tears of those I served.
Among my own I was alone through my own doing.
All the years I walked unknown
behind the faces I assumed.
Powerless to clear your mind of what you'd suffered.
They fall again.
They fall again.
Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
There is no faith in which to hide.
Even truth is filled with lies.
Doubting angels fall to walk among the living.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
I'd only come here seeking peace.
I'd only come here seeking me.
It seems I came to leave.
Friday, 6 June 2008
Anything but ordinary please
Disclaimer - I don't own it. Avril Lavgine - Anything but ordinary please
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart outAnd leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see that this world is a beautiful accident turbulent suculent opulent permanent, no way I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh my self to sleep
It's my lullaby
Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart outAnd leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see that this world is a beautiful accident turbulent suculent opulent permanent, no way I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh my self to sleep
It's my lullaby
Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
Miss Blue
Disclaimer: I don't own the song.. Miss Blue - Filter
Could you stay long enough for me to say goodbye?
You can be free as long as you're with me
If you could see the real me you'd bleed If you could see the real me I'd breathe
Could you still Breathe long enough for me?
Could you still be long enough for me?
[Chorus:]
When do you think I'll be okay?
When do you think I'll be okay?
If I should stay when do I pray?
If I should stay where do I begin?
Do you think I should watch you die?
Should we close our eyes and say goodbye
[Chorus]
Hey you Miss Blue
You think that I'm well to do?
Hey you Miss Blue
I feel in love with you
Hey you Miss Blue
I think about you as true
Hey you Miss Blue
I hate it when you cry
Hey you Miss Blue
I hate it when you say goodbye
Hey you Miss Blue
I hate it when you say goodbye
[Chorus]
You say goodbye
You say goodbye yeah
Don't say goodbye
Say goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye...
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