Secret romantic/Dashed hopes

So I say that the single life is fine because I got my Picket who is my onlinesister and my wife online in Secondlife, but in reality I am in fact alone and I feel rather lonely but I'm used to it. And I am used to the fact that it will never change, even if I tried to change something will always go wrong usually on the their side. At the end of the day men are fucking pricks, jerks, arseholes or any other degradorty term you can think of. I think I just mis-spelled but I don't care.

Truth is...

I'm rather sappy and secretly I want someone to love me just as much as I love them, to be snuggled up together on a sofa watching anime or reading books. In the winter months be curled up by an open fire, tangled with one another on a warm rug drinking hot chocolate with marshmellows in it. And I'm tired of being alone but I gave up my heart and had it smashed, so as some people know I'm fixing what got broken but gods he aint making it easy.

Happiness is a floundering thing that I often or not find is hard to keep a grasp on, it slips through my fingers quicker than sand and is gone in an instant. One reason why I love to try and help fix other people, I can't fix myself so I help others and when they no longer need me they move on and I find others to fix. I live for other people, not for myself.

Excerpt of recent conversation:

Blueray says:
*Well its obvious the way things keep going keep messing up, I should stay single have been for years. Its not going to change, its not meant to change and I'm used to it. I only suffered a broken heart once, this is the second time. I'll live and survive and shut up again, because that how I am. I will be Happy being alone, its less hassle and less heartache. You sis you deserve someone to make you feel good, to make you smile every day of the year. If ya get hurt I'm here for you like always

xxxx says:
*I think you're wrong.
*not wrong that you're always here for me but wrong that you think you dont deserve to be happy too. You put yourself down so much and it makes me sad. But really you're wonderful and thats NOT just me being partial. You really are. You're completely selfless you know? You're only happy alone in your mind. It's because you cant get hurt but thats not happy that's playing safe and it's just lonely.
*There are five people out there for everyone. One perfect soul mate and 4 others who are great. You have yet to find any of them. I believe that in my heart.

Blueray says:
*Nicky was great for a while :/ I don't know xxxx I don't like getting carried away, I don't want to keep opening up to get hurt. I'm alone and I'm scared, I just live for everyone else

xxxx says:
*I just want you to be happy and real happy not this charade you put on.
*You need to live for yourself.

Blueray says:
*If I was a little more selfish perhaps

Is it possible one day to have all the little romantic gestures I crave, alone with the absolute happiness that comes with a healthy, loving relationship?

I get too involved with people too fast and actually set myself up for serious falls, I will set my sights on someone and see them run off with someone else. That's life that's how things go, and at the end of things.... Men are shallow. If you don't have the right weight, height, or even facial structure, you don't get a look in and are passed over for that pretty little blonde bimbo with the giant boobs.

You could have the best personality in the world, til men can see what is on the inside as well the outside. People like me are destined to be alone. Born alone, live alone, die alone. Its a lonely fate and I accepted it, til it changes at any point so be it.